Let Me Be Your Big Spoon
by StarksthenameSnarkisthegame
Summary: This is a tiny crack fic I thought up. Very mild slash - Tony/Bruce. Tony's not drunk. Totally not drunk. Well Natasha and Bruce think otherwise and decide to party with the 'Party Ninja'. Review and Favorite!


No copyright infringement intended. I own none of the songs that I mentioned.

A/N This is a cute little fic I thought up. Hope you enjoy it. Review, Favorite, and Follow! c: Warning: Language and mild Bruce/Tony.

Tony was drunk. No he wasn- Okay yes he was whether he'd like to admit it or not. He was sitting in his private living room drinking the good stuff. And if Tony Stark said it was good it would most likely cause blindness or a hole in your esophagus. So yes Tony was drunk and happy. Pepper was away on business and he couldn't sleep. The nightmares kept coming so he decided to get out that old bottle of moonshine. The bottle wasn't store-bought either, It was made deep in the sticks and smelt like toxic chemicals. He sat down on the pale leather couch that Pepper picked out and smiled. He clutched the bottle to his chest and looked at the ceiling clumsily.

"Heeeyyy Jaaaaayy? Turn on some tunes. Maybe some Aretha?" Tony slurred out. Tony's head lolled back down and he closed his eyes to prevent passing out.

"Sir, I would advise you to sit down while the song's playing. We don't want another 'dance party' to happen. Mrs. Potts is still trying to find her mattress." Jarvis advised with a cool voice. Tony smiled and started to giggle. He held his finger up to his lips and grinned lazily.

"Shhh Jarvis! I think it's still on the roof? But you can't tell her. You promised Jaaay." Tony said happily.

"Yes sir. I remember your specific instructions."

Aretha Franklin's Respect echoed through the penthouse. Tony swallowed some more moonshine before he stood up. He put the bottle on the ground with care before hopping onto the glass coffee table. It was reinforced because it's common for Tony to dance on his glass tables. Before, When the glass was standard he had torn up his legs jumping up and down on the table trying to be Flappy Bird. Pepper made sure to fix that. He pulled out his best dance moves on that table wearing nothing but his fuzzy Ironman pajama pants and his white wife beater. He ended up twerking until his pants fell off. They literally fell off and he was happy to moon Jarvis with his gold boxers. Jarvis had eventually convinced him to pull up his pants but it was difficult. Now he was walking in circles around the large coffee table happily and muttering 'Respect the Aretha bitches' every minute or so. He grabbed his moonshine off the hardwood floor and grinned. He swallowed a large amount of his beloved alcohol and frowned when he found it empty. He shrugged and jumped off of the coffee table with force. He slid on the hard wood on his knees in the greatest rocker pose. He made sure to hit the high notes on the last part of the song and stood clumsily. He was out of alcohol in his penthouse so he would have to go to the communal kitchen to get some more booze. He stumbled to the elevator and sat on the cold metal ground crosslegged. Jarvis held the elevator still waiting for some directions. Tony stared at his hands and slowly raised his middle finger. He flicked off an imaginary foe and chanted "Legalize pot!" before directing Jarvis. The elevator slid down the cable it was suspended on smoothly but Tony felt sick at the mild movement. He held his stomach tightly and stood. The elevator doors opened and walked past Natasha and Bruce obliviously. Bruce and Natasha were having nightmares and they liked to chat and drink tea for comfort. They watched the drunken form sift through the cabinets slowly. They both sipped their chamomile tea with smiles when he started humming Michael Jackson's Beat It. They both stood when he grabbed a large bottle of whiskey. Natasha went to his left side while Bruce cornered him in the right. Natasha grabbed the heavy bottle swiftly while Bruce got Tony's attention.

"Hey Tony? Angelina and Brad are here." Bruce said while smiling. Tony nodded drowsily and smiled.

"Brangelina's here?" Tony asked happily. Bruce nodded and pointed towards the door. In reality Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were good friends with Tony but they obviously weren't here at three in the morning. He stumbled toward the door with interest and opened it. He shrugged when he found no one on the other side and walked toward Bruce and Natasha.

"You wanna go party with me? M' the party ninja and I've got booze. Well I had booze and they were just in my hand bu-" Natasha interrupted Tony.

"I've got the booze Tony. No more for you tonight but me and Bruce might have a little." Natasha said while smiling. Bruce nodded and they walked with Tony to the elevator. Natasha made sure to steady Tony when he started to sway but other than that the ride was uneventful. The doors opened and they stepped into Tony's penthouse. It was relatively clean with only a few misplaced items. Bruce looked curiously at the chandelier that was placed into the dishwasher. He was very intrigued considering that the chandelier was hanging at least twelve feet up and there was no ladder in sight. He shrugged and smiled knowing Tony's party habits. Tony jumped up onto his island with no warning and began to belt out Fergie's Fergalicious.

"I'm the F to the E, R, G, the I, the E  
And can't no other lady put it down like me." Tony sung perfectly. Natasha grinned while Bruce rolled his eyes fondly. Natasha began mixing her favorite drink while Tony put on a show. He began to strip and took off his wife beater before Bruce could stop him.

"Tony. No! Stop man! We don't need to see all that." Bruce practically begged. Even if Tony remembered this tomorrow he wouldn't have any shame. Tony didn't even realize public nudity was illegal. One of the many reasons Bruce loved him. He threw his wife beater at Bruce with a glint of drunk humor in his eyes. Bruce threw it back at him but missed. He tried to avoid staring at Tony's perfectly sculpted abs. Tony looked at him heartbroken when he didn't pay any attention to him. The next thing they knew Tony was on the floor bawling. He curled into a fetal position and Bruce patted him awkwardly. Natasha sighed and bent down. She grabbed Tony's hair softly and Tony looked up at her.

"Bruce is in love with you. He's Completely obsessed and too shy to show it. I think he needs cuddles." Natasha said with a smirk. Tony grinned and stood up with the aid of both colleague's. Tony wrapped his arms around Bruce's neck and Bruce led him to the couch with complete terror and hidden happiness.. Bruce was in love with Tony and hopefully Tony was in love with Bruce. Bruce sat down on the couch with a lap full of sexy scientist. It was awkward at first. Tony was practically falling asleep and Bruce was as stiff as a board. But once Tony began to cuddle into Bruce he felt comfortable. Tony pushed Bruce into a laying position softly. He curled into his side and took off his glasses. He put the glasses on the toe-print covered coffee table and wrapped his arms around Bruce. Tony lent into Bruce's ear and grinned lazily. Bruce shuddered at the warmth.

"Let me be your big spoon."

A/N This had absolutely no plot and I wrote as I went. I hope you enjoyed! Review, Favorite, and Follow! c:


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